


Sand in a Tempest Tossed Sea

by squintyeyedlwt



Category: Larry Stylinson - Fandom, One Direction (Band), louisandharry - Fandom
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, BUT IT HAS ELEMENTS, Break Up, Fluff, Light Angst, Loneliness, Long-Distance Relationship, M/M, Makeup, Mental Breakdown, RAPE DOES NOT OCCUR, THERE IS A SCENE THAT CONTAINS RAPE ELEMENTS, just a warning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-04
Updated: 2017-12-04
Packaged: 2019-02-10 08:25:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,007
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12908043
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/squintyeyedlwt/pseuds/squintyeyedlwt
Summary: He’s silent as he stares at the wall. He misses Harry so much. He pulls out his phone and stares at Harry’s contact page for a few minutes. He finally pushes the call button and expects the machine to answer. He’s wrong. After only one ring, Louis hears a familiar voice asking, “Louis?”“Harry,” Louis breathes. He doesn’t know what to say. It’s quiet for a few minutes as both of them try to gather themselves before speaking. He wonders if Harry’s hung up for a moment, but then he hears Harry breathe. Louis finally asks, “Where do you buy your shampoo?”“What?” Harry laughs, surprised. Alarms are going off in Louis’ head. How he’s missed the sound of that beautiful laugh.





	Sand in a Tempest Tossed Sea

**Author's Note:**

> hey everyone! sorry this is so short haha, it’s my first completed fic ever! yay!
> 
> huge shoutout to larrie hell™ for putting up with me while i wrote this and asked them for ideas and showed them lots of different parts. 
> 
> without further ado, i hope you guys enjoy!

Rain is falling outside and Louis wakes up to the smell of  strawberries. He sits up in his and Harry's bed and tries to rub the sleep out of his eyes.  He looks over and sees Harry peacefully sleeping beside him. Louis knows he's gotten up and taken a shower though. The bathroom light is on and he can smell strawberries. 

He yawns and pushes all the blankets he pulled to his side in the middle of the night onto Harry. He makes his way to the bathroom and unbuttons his pajamas to use the toilet. He smiles when he sees that Harry has drawn hearts on the fogged up mirror. As he leaves, he makes sure to turn off the light, making a mental note to lecture Harry about that later. 

When he gets to the kitchen, he sees that Harry has cocoa pops in a bowl on the counter waiting for him. He gets some milk from the fridge and pours it in. After closing the fridge, he sits down at the table to eat his cereal. He fishes his phone from his pocket and checks his emails and texts. Niall has sent him 15 memes just since he's been asleep. He rolls his eyes and, without looking at any of them, replies 'ha ha that's siick !' His emails are mostly a bunch of promo from Vans and Adidas. He doesn't remember ever subscribing to their emails, but he regrets it. 

There's one email in particular that captures his attention. It's from Simon Cowell, so obviously no good can come from it. He opens it, and it reads something about how he has to go to LA on September 21st to make an appearance with Freddie. His mood automatically plummets, and he knows it's going to be a long day. Deciding he'll finish reading the rest of the email later, he puts his phone down and lifts the bowl up to his lips to drink the remaining milk. He stands up, and puts the bowl into the sink. Louis thinks about getting tea, but ultimately decides against it.

He makes his way back to the bedroom, where Harry is still sleeping. He lays back down on the bed and tangles his hands into Harry's hair. He misses the long hair. Harry's hair is getting long again, but Louis knows he's going to cut it soon. Harry starts to stir and Louis moves his hands, wiping the water from Harry's hair onto the pillow.

"Lou?" Harry's eyes open just a tiny bit and his voice is raspy. 

"Hey, yeah, it's me," Louis whispers, putting his hand on Harry's cheek. 

Harry rubs his eyes and stretches. He turns toward Louis and rubs his thumb along his lips. Louis giggles before pushing his hand away and leaning in to kiss Harry. He giggles and gets up, trying to pull Harry with him. Harry, of course, is so much bigger than Louis that his efforts are pointless. He eventually gets up and stumbles into the living room behind Louis, still groggy. They sit down on the couch, and Harry starts flipping through the channels. He notices as Louis opens his phone, and his face falls.

"What's wrong, Lou?" He asks, turning the tv volume down.

Louis shrugs, "Just this email I've received... More PR stunts."

Harry sighs, his heart hurting for Louis, "What is it this time?" 

"Another Freddie appearance," Louis mumbles, playing with a loose thread on a blanket. He knows that's a lie. It's something far worse than that, but he doesn't want to talk about it.

Whatever Harry says next, Louis doesn't pick it up. He's surrounded by his thoughts now. He doesn't want to do any more stunts. If he knew the toll this would take on him, Louis never would have signed a contract. He was young, and didn't understand the significance of what signing it could do to his life. He pulls the blanket from under Harry and wraps himself in it. After a few minutes of trying to get Louis to talk to him, Harry understands what's happening and stops. He pulls Louis into his arms and cuddles him. He hears the small whimpers coming from Louis, and his heart shatters into a million pieces. 

Louis feels embarrassed to be crying over something like this, but he just can't take it anymore. He doesn't want to be known as a guy who knocked up a one night stand, and is now a terrible father. He wants people to know who he really is, he wants them to know he loves Harry, he wants to be free. As Harry begins to pet his hair, Louis is at least grateful to be with him in this moment. He understands that the love he and Harry have for each other can overcome anything, even this. His small body molds perfectly into Harry's large frame, and he nuzzles his face into Harry's neck. He can smell the strawberries again, and he knows everything is going to be okay.

They lay like this for a few hours, and eventually Louis' crying comes to a stop. Harry rubs circles into the fabric of Louis' t-shirt, wanting to take his pain away. He would give anything to be able to take Louis' place. He knows he faces hardships with stunts, but nothing he's had to do is as bad as what Louis is enduring. Louis finally lifts his head from Harry and sniffles. He rubs his eyes, wiping away the remaining tears. 

"I'm sorry I'm such a baby," He sighs, looking at Harry and playing with his own fingers.

"No, you're not," Harry whispers, taking Louis' hands into his own, "Louis, you're not a baby. You are one of the strongest people I've ever met."

Louis just nods, not wanting to argue. He looks over to the clock- it's 10:26 am. He has to be to the studio in an hour. He stands up, taking the blanket with him. Harry just watches him as he walks back down the hall, and into the bedroom. He hops in the shower and quickly washes himself. When it comes time to wash his hair, he remembers that he hasn't bought new shampoo yet. He sighs, picking up Harry's shampoo bottle. He pours some into his hands, and rubs it into his hair. The smell of strawberries hits his nose. Though he won't admit it, Louis will never get tired of that smell; it reminds him of Harry.

Once he's out of the shower, he rushes to put on the first clothes he can find. He dries his hair with the towel and brushes his teeth. He runs his fingers through his hair one more time slips his shoes on. He runs back into the living room, where Harry is sitting and reading a book. 

"Hey, Harry," Louis says, causing Harry to look up, "remind me to buy some more shampoo soon. Smelling like strawberries is starting to drive me insane."

Harry rolls his eyes, but a smile appears on his face, "Okay, Louis. Have fun at work, love you."

"Love you too!" Louis replies, and with that, he's gone for the day. 

Work for Louis is a blur that day. People bother him about things left and right. He has another interview to prepare for, he needs to sign some contract saying he still wants to be part of One Direction, he has to meet with Bebe to discuss their upcoming performance. As he's trying to write, he just keeps getting interrupted. By the end of the day, he has a massive headache and cannot wait to get home. He stops at a McDonald's on the way home. He's swarmed by people who recognize him, all of whom want a picture or an autograph. He meets as many people as he can before the police arrive and make everyone leave. When he finally gets to the counter, he orders a cheeseburger for himself and a smoothie to take home to Harry.

It takes him longer to get home than usual. Traffic is terrible, and the music on the radio is annoying. He hits his head against the headrest of his seat, and waits for the red light to turn green. It finally does. When he gets home, he goes straight to the kitchen. He sets Harry's smoothie on the counter and grabs some Advil. It takes him two tries to find the cabinet with the cups, but when he does, he grabs one and fills it with water. He takes the pill and makes his way into the bedroom. The once messy bed is now neatly made, pillows and everything placed for decoration. Louis frowns, walking back into the living room. He calls for Harry. When there's no reply, he shrugs and sits on the couch to watch tv. An episode of The Walking Dead later, Harry finally comes through the door. He's holding a grocery sack and closes the door with his foot.

When Harry sees Louis, he explains, "Sorry I didn't text you. We needed groceries." Louis shakes his head to signal it's fine. "How was your day?"

"Long," Louis answers. He can't think of a better word to describe it than long. "Oh, I left you a smoothie on the counter."

Harry disappears into the kitchen and Louis turns back to the tv. After a few minutes he grows bored and turns off the tv. He shouldn't have to spend any time bored when Harry was going to be leaving soon. He wanders into the kitchen, where Harry is drinking the smoothie and flipping through a magazine. He looks so cute like that, but Louis doesn't mention it. 

"When do you leave?" Louis asks, stealing the smoothie to take a sip and then giving it back.

"Well," Harry thinks for a moment, "the tour starts on September 19th and I'll have to be there a few days early. So I think that puts me at Sunday."

Louis nods, trying not to show how sad this makes him. "That only gives us two more days..."

"I know, but it's okay! I don't have shows everyday, and we can visit each other," Harry says, his eyes hopeful.

"Yeah..." Louis avoids eye contact and sighs. He knows something that Harry doesn't.

He doesn't want to tell Harry what was actually in the email he read this morning. It was his stunts schedule for the next year. And every single day that Harry has free during the tour is filled with stunts. He really isn't going to see Harry for an entire year. It seems like management is truly trying to break them up. Louis hopes they don't succeed.

The room is quiet and awkward for a long time. Harry continues putting away groceries to fill the time. He wants to say something, but he's not sure what he should say. Louis eventually leaves the room. Harry doesn't notice until he says, "Whatever happens, I'll always love you." and there's no reply.

Louis needs to clear his head. He changes into shorts and grabs his cleats. He doesn't want to say goodbye to Harry; that would just strike a fight. He hears crying coming from the kitchen and even though he wants to go talk to Harry, he resists, walking out the front door.

It takes him a little while to get to the football field, and the entire time he's thinking of how he left Harry. He feels guilty but he needs to clear his head. He needs to blow off some steam; if he doesn't, he'll end up taking it out on Harry. When he finally gets to the field, there's a little league team practicing. He smiles sadly. It had always been his dream to coach a little league team, but that obviously hasn't worked out. 

Louis makes his way to a shed and grabs a football out. His phone vibrates in his pocket. When he pulls it out, he sees Harry is calling him. He ignores the call and puts it back in his pocket. He throws the ball as far as he can and runs after it.

The next few hours are filled with Louis just practicing. After a while, it starts to rain and the little league team leaves. His phone continues ringing, and he continues ignoring it. He knows he's being dramatic, but he doesn't want to talk to Harry. He doesn't want to fight. 

As it starts to get dark, he continues running around with the football. He knows he's going to be sore tomorrow, but at least he's distracting himself for now. Harry calls him at least 15 more times. Finally, he just turns his phone off. 

A security guard comes over to him at about midnight and says, "Sir, I'm afraid I'm trying to close up around here, so I'm going to have to ask you to leave."

Louis nods, throws the football, and walks to his car. He's soaking wet from all the rain, but he doesn't care. He gets in the car and starts crying. He doesn't understand what he did wrong for his life to turn out this way. He hates his management, he hates the stunts, he hates the way he has to hide his own relationship, and more than anything he hates himself. He hates himself for not being grateful. He has a career that most couldn't dream of. He has amazing fans, an amazing family, and an amazing Harry. Why can't he be grateful? Instead he just takes everything for granted.

He feels sorry for himself for only a little while longer before he turns his phone back on. Dozens of text come in from Harry, all asking where he is, why he left, etc. Guilt floods him and he starts to cry again. Now he's hurt Harry. One voicemail pops up from Harry and he pushes play before holding it up to his ear.

It begins with the sound of Harry crying. Then Harry whispers, "Louis," more crying. He then hears a swallowing sound and Harry hiccuping; he must be drunk. Then Harry says, "I've received an email from management." He sounds like he's trying to say something else, but he's just crying. The message ends.

Louis' stomach begins to churn as he's filled with guilt. He knows exactly what the email Harry got was- it's the very same one he got this morning. He remembers how he felt reading it. He remembers Harry comforting him, and being there to hold him. And what has Louis done in return? Avoid him. Louis opens the car door and he throws up. The guilt overcomes him and he can't stop crying. Harry calls again. Louis answers the phone this time. He doesn't say anything, but he holds the phone to his ear.

"Please come home," Harry sobs.

Louis is quiet for just a moment before whispering, "okay," and hanging up.

Louis drives out of the parking lot as fast as he can and speeds home. He's glad there are no police officers around because he would definitely get a speeding ticket. Once he parks the car, he runs up to the flat. He takes the stairs, knowing the elevator will be too slow, and he needs to see Harry immediately. He opens the door and smells booze. Harry has definitely been drinking.

He finds Harry in the kitchen. Harry immediately engulfs him in a hug. Their lips connect and it's fire. All of their emotions explode and their kiss is sloppy, and rushed, and they're both just crying. 

Against Harry's lips, Louis lets out, "I'm so sorry."

Harry pulls away from the kiss to threaten, "Shut up, Louis." 

Harry pulls Louis into the bedroom. Louis knows that Harry is angry, and he's afraid. The kiss changes from urgent to violent. Rather than biting Louis' lip playfully, he does it out of rage, and it hurts Louis. Harry's name fearfully slips out of Louis' mouth. Harry pushes Louis onto the bed. Louis hits his ankle on the side, causing him to wince. He doesn't know what Harry is planning on doing now. Harry pulls his own shirt off and leans over Louis. He kisses him again, harshly, before moving to take off Louis' shirt.

Louis attempts to back away and protests, "Harry, I don't want to-"

"I told you to shut up!" Harry yells. Louis shuts up, or attempts to. Tears spill out the side of his eyes and he can't stop crying. He's so afraid of Harry in this moment. He's only seen him like this a handful of times, and he's never been the cause of it before.

Harry watches Louis cry for a moment and then gets off the bed. He paces the floor for a moment and then punches the wall. His fist goes through it. Louis brings his legs to his chest and wraps his arms around them. Sobs escape his mouth, and as much as he tries to quiet himself, he can't. Harry looks over at him, and he tries to make himself look smaller. 

Louis watches as Harry stares at him, and then looks over at his hand in the wall. He almost sees the anger melt away and replace itself with guilt. Harry pulls his hand out of the wall and then looks back at Louis. Silent tears stream down his face. Louis slowly stands up. He approaches Harry, not sure how he's going to react. He reaches out his hands and grabs Harry's face. 

They're both crying again as Louis says, "I love you, Harry." Harry closes his eyes and nods, "I am so so sorry I wasn't here when you needed me."

"Never leave me again," Harry hiccups. 

Louis nods, and he's fearful of the future. He's just realized something. Something he really wished would never happen. Management has successfully managed to break them. He knows they won't break up over this. But they are cracked, and now is not the time for Harry to be leaving on a year long tour. He doesn't think they'll make it.

The next two days go by way too quickly. Louis and Harry spend the majority of their time cuddling and crying. Neither of them mention anything about their fight. Louis helps Harry pack, and he puts a few of his own t-shirts in the suitcase for when Harry needs them. When Harry asks if Louis can at least ride in the car to the airport, the driver agrees. They spend the entire car ride promising each other that they'll talk every day. Harry reassures Louis of how much he loves him, and Louis tells Harry how proud of him he is. They don't talk about the fact that Louis won't be permitted to see Harry on any of the breaks.

When they finally get to the airport, Louis and Harry hug for a long time. They share a tender kiss and Louis repeatedly professes his love for Harry. Eventually, the driver notifies them that Harry needs to leave or he'll miss his flight. Harry squeezes Louis one more time before opening to door. 

"I love you," Harry sniffles. He steps out of the car. The driver already has his bags out and waiting for him, "I'll call you as soon as I can."

"I love you, H," Louis smiles sadly. He can barely see Harry through his tears. 

Harry closes the door. He grabs his suitcase and walks into the airport. Louis watches as the love of his life disappears, along with his heart. He pulls out his phone and sends Harry a text. It reads:

See you in 296 days, H. x

The van starts to move and he sighs. He falls asleep, and dreams about green eyes and curly hair that smells like strawberries.

The next few months are hard. Louis' days are all the same. He goes to the studio, he writes songs, he goes home, he talks on the phone with Harry, and he goes to bed. He finds it hard to sleep without Harry, and he doesn't have the motivation to eat anything. He slowly starts to lose weight. The fans are worried about him, and he does everything in his power to assure them that he's okay. He's not. He has occasionally stunts. He goes into public with Freddie, he's seen at Eleanor's house. He spends a lot of time in Doncaster with his family. They aren't a ton of help, he misses his mum. 

One night, Louis has a particularly hard day. Fans are fighting on twitter, and he's just had to do more stunts. Harry had the day off, and he's in London. Management is forcing him to stay at a hotel rather than come home. Louis doesn't understand it. He sits down at the table for his dinner- a microwave meal. He stares at it but doesn't eat it. He's not hungry; he never is. He sits in that position for an hour. He wonders what Harry's doing. Harry texts him asking if he's available for facetime. They've only facetimed once since Harry left, so Louis immediately says yes. 

When he sees, Harry's face on the screen, he smiles. Harry looks great. He's let his hair grow a little bit again- not a lot- but a little bit. His eyes are full of life and happiness. Louis knows he's doing what he loves and he's happy for him. He's glad he's doing better than he is. Harry grins at Louis, and then his expression falters.

"What?" Louis asks, "Aren't you happy to see me?"

"I am!" Harry corrects, "I'm so happy to see you. It's just that you're so... thin." Louis looks down at his own body. He doesn't say anything. Harry continues, "I mean I saw photos online, but I thought the angles were just weird."

Louis nods, "Yeah I guess it's been harder for me to be away from you than I thought."

"I miss you too," Harry sighs, "but you need to eat."

"Just don't ever feel hungry," he mumbles, "Just want to see you. You're in London, why won't they let us see each other?"

"You know," Harry grins, "they couldn't do anything if we just happened to run into each other."

Louis giggles, "You're right. The market in 10?" 

"See you then, Lou." Harry says, and then hangs up.

Louis puts his phone down and runs into the bedroom. He wants to look nice for Harry. He changes into his nicest casual clothes and grabs his keys. He locks the door on the way out and gets into the car. Christmas music blares. Now that it's December he can't escape the Christmas music, but he secretly loves it. He drives to the Columbia Road Flower Market and sits in his car until he sees Harry pull up. He jumps out of the car and runs over to him. 

"Harry!" Louis exclaims, going in for a hug. Harry pushes him away.

"Shh Louis!" Harry whispers. Louis frowns, confused, "We need to go somewhere private or someone will see us."

That's when it all comes flooding back to Louis. He does have to hide his relationship, and he does have to pretend he and Harry aren't friends. He nods and follows Harry into an alley. There's a car sitting there that Harry walks over to. He pulls at the handle and it opens.

"Harry!" Louis protests, "we can't break into someone's car!"

"This is my car, get in." 

Louis is confused as he walks over to the car. He doesn't believe Harry but he's not going to push it right now.  They get in the back seat and Louis hugs Harry. He's missed his touch. Harry kisses Louis' forehead. He knows what they're about to do, but he wants to wait a few minutes. He expresses this to Louis, who whines, "Why do you want to wait? Isn't this why we got in the car?"

"Well, yeah," Harry says. He kisses Louis, "but," kiss. "I think it'll be better if we're really desperate for it."

Louis curses at Harry, "I'm already desperate for it, Harry."

"Well then," Harry smirks, "you can tease me a little so I get desperate." Louis takes that as a challenge. He does everything that Harry loves. He kisses his jaw and his neck, and right behind his ear. He bites at Harry's collar bones and Harry nods, "Okay, Louis, yeah, let's go ahead and do it."

"Wait just a second," Louis licks his lips, "I don't think you're quite desperate enough." Louis teases Harry for a few more minutes until Harry is literally begging him to keep going. Louis finally agrees and takes his shirt off. Harry climbs over Louis so that he's on top. It's hard to move around in the car, but they do the best they can. 

Louis is in pure bliss. He's missed Harry, he's missed the sound of his voice, he's missed the taste of his lips, and most of all he's missed the feeling of their skin against one another. Louis expected this to be fast, desperate, and rushed, like they need to do this because they don't know when they'll have a change to again. But it's not. Instead it's slow and passionate. Each second is expressing their love for each other. 

When they've finished, Louis is trembling. He kisses Harry's forehead, right on the hairline- it's sweaty. He closes his eyes, "Love you so much."

"I love you, Lou," Harry whispers. He runs his hand over Louis' face. Louis' body stops shaking at the contact. Harry loves that he has this affect on Louis. He would do anything for him.

A few minutes later, they get out of the car and walk back to Louis' car. Louis stops by the door and asks, "Why didn't we just go in one of our cars? Why'd you bring that other one here?"

"Oh," Harry shrugs, "it's not actually mine."

"What?" Louis yells, "That wasn't your car?!"

"Nope," Harry laughs. He pulls Louis in for one last hug. He doesn't care that they're in public. "I'll see you either next time I'm in London or when I get home."

Louis hugs him back. He smells the strawberries from Harry's hair again, and it's a comforting smell. "Okay." Louis opens his car door and Harry jumps.

"Oh! Wait, I almost forgot," He goes to his car and grabs something. He brings over to Louis a bottle of strawberry scented shampoo. "I know that this smell comforts you, so I got you your own bottle."

Louis rolls his eyes. "Thanks," he says sarcastically. He really is grateful, but he'd never admit it. Harry nods and just looks at Louis for a moment. He's studying his face, who knows when he'll see it again.

"Bye Louis," He smiles sadly and then gets into his own car. Louis watches him drive away and then gets into his own car. He opens the shampoo and takes a sniff. He smiles before putting it on the other seat and driving back to the flat.

Louis does okay for the next month. Him and Harry start missing nightly phone calls every once in a while. It's just so hard with their conflicting time zones. When he misses Harry, he uses the strawberry shampoo. It helps him feel better. He tries to start eating more, but he fails. He keeps losing weight. He knows he looks horrible, but he can't help it. On his birthday, Louis goes home to Doncaster. His family throws him a party and then he stays for Christmas. It's a nice few days; it helps him feel a little better.

For New Years, Louis gets an email from management that he has to record a video with Freddie and Briana. When he tells Harry about it, he accidentally types 'Banana' for her name. It becomes their new inside joke. On the morning of January 1st, Louis is flown into L.A. Paparazzi are all over his entire way to Briana's house. 

When he finally arrives, Briana hugs him, "Louis! Hi, how are you?"

"I've been better," Louis mumbles. 

"Well, do you want a drink or anything?" She asks.

"No," Louis shakes his head. "No, I just want to get this over with and get back to London, alright?"

They have to redo the video 6 times because Louis doesn't look happy enough. When they're finally through with it, Louis sits on the couch and logs onto Twitter. He looks through his timeline; he avoids his notifications. He replies to a few fans, the same ones he always does. He notices some fans freaking out about Harry being seen with a model. He feels his stomach twisting in knots as he finds the picture.

Sure enough, there's Harry sitting for lunch in Paris with a beautiful model. Louis knows it's a either a stunt or just a friend of Harry's but he still feels jealous. He keeps scrolling until one picture captures his attention. He opens it; Harry is kissing the model. He suddenly feels extremely ill and lightheaded. Jealousy burns inside him as he stares at the picture. He should be the one kissing Harry, not this woman.

"Louis," someone calls out. Louis looks over to see Brad, one of the members of management, "we've just posted the video onto your instagram."

"Delete it," Louis demands.

Brad looks confused as he asks, "What?"

"Delete it."

"I can't delete it, Louis. It's posted, fans are watching it right now." Brad is getting annoyed but Louis doesn't care. He doesn't want that video out. He isn't a father, and he's tired of people thinking he is.

"I said delete it, Brad!" Louis raises his voice, and stands up.

Brad rolls his eyes. He's not scared of Louis, "You have a contract. This is in the contract."

"I don't care about the contract. If you don't delete it, I'll delete it myself."

"Do whatever you want, Louis, but if you violate the contract, you'll lose money," Brad shakes his head and walks away.

Louis deletes the post. A few minutes later, he gets a call from Simon. Simon yells at him for an hour and then informs him that it's a €10,000 fee. Louis doesn't care. He leaves Briana's house, and his driver takes him to a hotel. Harry doesn't call that night, and Louis cries himself to sleep.

Another month goes by and Louis' mental health is getting to an all time low. He doesn't have the motivation to do anything. He feels as though he's in a crowded room screaming at the top of his lungs and no one even looks up. He sees so many pictures of Harry and the model on social media; they're 'dating'. Louis cries a lot, he can't help it. He tells Harry that he's fine so Harry doesn't worry, but he's not. All the times that he does want to tell Harry that he's struggling, he cant't get ahold of him. On Harry's birthday, Louis tries to call Harry and gets the machine. He sends him a text instead. Harry never replies.

Eventually, there are many pictures and videos that have been taken of Harry and the model. Harry talks about her in interviews, he tweets about her, and they take cute selfies together. Louis never mentions anything about her to Harry; he knows it's just a stunt. Louis uses Harry's shampoo almost every day now. He misses Harry so much. He goes out drinking almost every night that he's not busy. It helps distract him. On Valentine's Day, Louis has flowers shipped to the address of the hotel Harry's staying at. Harry thanks him over text and then they don't speak for another week. 

One day, Harry is a guest on The Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon. Louis tunes in to watch. When Jimmy asks about the model, who's name Louis hasn't bothered to remember, Harry publicly says that he loves her for the first time. Jealous rags fills Louis as he listens to Harry profess his love. Harry continues talking about this woman for a few moments until Louis turns it off and throws the remote across the room. He goes into the kitchen and opens the cabinet. He takes plates out one by one and throws them. They shatter as they hit the ground and wall and Louis is screaming. When he gets through an entire shelf, he starts bawling. He can't take any more of this. He calls Simon.  

As soon as Simon answers, he demands, "Make the stunts stop."

"I'm afraid I can't do that," Simon says through the phone.

"Cut it out," Louis cries, "Yes you can."

Simon sighs, "Louis, the only way to stop the stunts is to end your relationship."

"I'm not going to do that. Harry loves me and I love Harry." Louis feels defensive. He knows the statement he made is true, but he doubts himself. Harry hasn't been talking to him recently.

"Think about it, Louis," Simon suggests, "Talk to Harry. Call me back. If you decide you want to sign the break up contract, we can send it right away."

Louis hangs up the phone and calls Harry. There's no answer. He waits a few minutes and calls again. Again, no answer. After 4 attempts over the span of 2 hours, Louis gives up. He cries for an hour. He thinks that Harry doesn't love him anymore. They never text, they never facetime, they don't even talk on the phone anymore. 

Louis thinks about it for a long time. He looks at his phone and sees the pictures of the model and Harry. Jealousy erupts within him and Louis calls Simon back. Upon the hello, Louis says, "Send the papers," and hangs up.

A few days later, Louis receives the contract in the mail. He reads is very carefully. It says:

This contract signals the official break up between Louis William Tomlinson and Harold Edward Styles upon the request of Louis Tomlinson. Once signed, this contract guarantees the end of some stunts. Not all stunts are guaranteed to be ended. 

It says a few more things about policies and what's guaranteed and not guaranteed by the contract. At the bottom, there are two lines. Louis signs the top line. That same day, he goes to the post office and sends it back to management. He cries as he goes home. He doesn't want to break up with Harry, but it's just so hard. He would rather not be in a relationship with Harry than feel the loneliness that he's feeling right now.

A few days later, Louis gets a call from Harry. He's afraid to answer. When he finally does, Harry asks, "You requested a break up contract?" Louis stays quiet, "I know things are hard, Louis, but you want to break up?"

"I-" Louis' voice cracks, "I can't do it anymore."

Harry's breathing quickens, "There's only 6 more months, Louis."

"You never talk to me any more," Louis adds.

"I do the best that I can!" Harry gets defensive.

Louis shakes his head and says, "Don't you have some model to go make out with?"

"Louis!" Harry pleads, "Come on, you should know more than anyone not to believe that stuff."

"You're not understanding what I'm saying," Louis says, "I can't do it anymore. I can't be with you in these circumstances- it's too hard. I can't eat, I can't sleep, I can't function. I destroyed half of our china a few days ago. I'm pretty sure I'm going to die of alcohol poisoning before you come back."

"Louis," Harry whispers.

"You say there's only 6 months left? It's already been 5 months, we're not even half way done. My life has no meaning right now, Harry. I'm worthless. I don't do anything with myself but sit and wait for you to call. I see you out with your model and I just sit and cry for hours upon seeing it. I drink until I pass out so that I don't have to think about the fact that some woman is with you and I'm not. I want to die rather than be in the living hell that I experience every day."

Harry is crying by the time Louis is done speaking, "Please don't do this."

"You never call me, Harry!" Louis sobs, "I wait for you to call every night. I can't sleep well unless you call. And you don't- you don't call and I have to drink in order to fall asleep. You're out there living your dream and I'm proud of you. I support you. I watch every interview and read every tweet you put out. And you don't call me. Do you know how unfair that is? I text you on your birthday and you don't text me back. You have a beard and I hear more about her from you than I do about myself."

"I don't talk about her to you," Harry says, his voice threatening to falter.

"No," Louis agrees, "but how could you when we never speak. You are all I ever think about and I don't even matter to you. I order food for two because I forget that you're gone. And then I remember and I can't even eat my own food. I've lost 47 lbs since you left, Harry. I'm slowly killing myself and you don't even care. You don't even love me anymore."

"I love you, Louis."

"No you don't. You don't love me," Louis voice is mixed with venom and sorrow. He adds, "Sign the paper," and hangs up.

He drinks more that night than he thinks he has in his entire life. He cries for hours and hours. He prays for the first time in years. He prays for strength and for the will to get through this. He wants to talk to his mum more than anything. He tweets a frowny face, causing the fans to freak out. He doesn't care. When he finally falls asleep, it's only because he's had far too much to drink.

Louis stays in bed for 2 weeks. He doesn't shower, he doesn't talk to anyone. He gets up to go to the bathroom and eat. He wishes he didn't have to eat. Naturally, Niall and Liam find out about the break up and start trying to get ahold of Louis. Louis doesn’t answer any of their texts or calls. At one point, Zayn even shoots Louis a text. Louis tells him not-so-politely where he can take his pity. He avoids all social media. He doesn’t want to see or hear anything about Harry. One day as Louis is watching the news, a story about Harry comes up. Louis throws the remote at the tv. It goes right through and the tv stops working. Louis doesn’t care.

The first time Louis takes a shower, he dumps out half of the strawberry shampoo. He smells those strawberries and he immediately starts bawling. He stays in the shower until the water runs cold. When he turns the water off, he just stands there for another hour. He finally gets out, but, lacking the motivation to put on any clothes, he stays naked for 3 days. 

The only reason he finally puts clothes on is because Niall texts him and tells him that he’s coming over. Louis tries to say no but Niall insists and within no time, Niall walks into the flat. Louis doesn’t even greet him. He just sits on his bed with a bottle of vodka. Niall shakes his head.

“You look terrible,” he says.

“Thanks, Niall,” Louis grumbles, “that’s just what I need to hear.”

Niall makes a funny face, “And it stinks in here. Tommo, you need to clean up.”

“Do you want to clean for me? I’m not gonna do it.”

Niall shakes his head. He looks around a little more. When he sees the remote through the tv, he curses. He pulls it out and throws it onto the bed. He sighs, sitting down, “I take it you haven’t talked to Harry?”

“Why would I talk to him when I won’t even talk to you?” Louis asks.

“Dunno,” Niall shrugs, “he said he was hoping you’d call him.”

Louis looks straight at Niall, “You talked to him?” Niall nods, “How’s he holding up?”

Niall sighs, “Not so good. He’s canceled a couple weeks of his shows. He was in pretty much the same state as you when I saw him, but he wasn’t such a slob.”

“Of course not,” Louis rolls his eyes, “he’s too prim and proper to let a break up affect him.”

Niall scoffs, “Aren’t you listening? He’s just as torn up, if not more, than you are.”

Louis can’t imagine that being possible. He starts to cry again. He hates to cry in front of Niall, but he can’t help it. Niall comforts him, telling him that it’ll be okay. Louis doesn’t believe him. Louis makes Niall tell him every detail of how Harry is doing and what he looks like. Niall gets sick of all the questions, but he’s a good sport. By the time Niall leaves, Louis misses Harry like crazy.

An entire month goes by since the break up, and Louis feels empty. He feels like sand, tossed by the tide. He feels homeless, friendless. He uses Harry’s shampoo every single day. He still cries every time the scent hits his nose. A smell that once comforted him has now become one that tears him apart. He starts going back to work, but he still avoids social media. Management announces that he’s broken up with Eleanor. He’s grateful for that, as much as he can be at least. He continues to lose weight. 

One night, Louis’ sister, Lottie, invites him to go clubbing with her. He goes. He spends half the night chatting up a cute guy at the bar. They sneak into the bathroom and start making out. Louis pretends that he’s kissing Harry. But he knows he’s not. This guy doesn’t taste the same as Harry. His hair isn’t soft like Harry’s. He doesn’t touch him how Harry would. And most of all, the kiss isn’t full of love like it would be with Harry. Louis starts crying halfway through the kiss. He goes home a few minutes later and drinks himself to sleep. He does a lot of drinking.

Niall comes and visits Louis one more time. They play FIFA, and Harry’s name doesn’t even come up. He’s grateful to have Niall as a friend at this time. When Niall is about to leave, he hugs Louis and says, “He misses you too, you know.” Louis nods, but doesn’t reply. Niall leaves and he gets in the shower. He uses the strawberry shampoo. It’s hard to get out of the bottle; it’s starting to run out. He finally gets enough to use, and for the first time since Harry left, he doesn’t cry when he smells it. 

The day that the shampoo runs out is a hard day. Louis tries everything he can think of to get more shampoo out of the bottle, but it’s just gone. He cries for 3 hours straight. He looks up the brand and can’t find anything on it. He wants to buy more, but he doesn’t know where Harry buys it from. He starts to panic. For the last month and a half, the only constant in his life has been this shampoo and the memories of Harry that come with it, and now it’s gone. 

He’s silent as he stares at the wall. He misses Harry so much. He pulls out his phone and stares at Harry’s contact page for a few minutes. He finally pushes the call button and expects the machine to answer. He’s wrong. After only one ring, Louis hears a familiar voice asking, “Louis?”

“Harry,” Louis breathes. He doesn’t know what to say. It’s quiet for a few minutes as both of them try to gather themselves before speaking. He wonders if Harry’s hung up for a moment, but then he hears Harry breathe. Louis finally asks, “Where do you buy your shampoo?”

“What?” Harry laughs, surprised. Alarms are going off in Louis’ head. How he’s missed the sound of that beautiful laugh.

“Where do you buy your shampoo?” Louis asks again. 

Harry doesn’t answer for a second, but then he says, “I have it personally made. Why are you asking?”

“I ran out of it,” Louis explains. He feels stupid to be saying this, but he really doesn’t care, “I didn’t think I missed you as much as I do. But then I ran out of your shampoo.”

It’s quiet. Louis immediately thinks the worst. Harry thinks he’s an idiot. He’s going to hang up, or tell him not to call again. He’s going to laugh and ridicule Louis. Louis mentally slaps himself. He’s such an idiot. He’s about to apologize when Harry speaks.

Harry’s voice threatens to crack as he says, “I miss you, too.”

“I’m sorry, Harry,” Louis starts to cry, “I’m sorry for everything.”

“I’m sorry, too,” Harry’s voice is pained as he explains, “I wasn’t a good boyfriend.”

They continue to express their sorrow for a while, and slowly the conversation transitions into just talking. They reminisce about old times, and discuss how things are going in their lives currently. They stay on the phone all night long, and it’s nice. Louis missed this. He hopes that he and Harry will get back together, and get back to where they were in their relationship. Eventually, the phone call ends, and Louis falls asleep. Instead of having nightmares, he dreams about Harry. And those are always good dreams.

A few days later, Louis is making the bed when the doorbell rings. He frowns, he hates visitors in the morning. He figures it’s probably just Niall, though, so he turns on the playstation as he walks past it to get to the door. When he opens the door, there’s a bottle on the ground. He picks it up and gasps. He covers his mouth with his hand as he reads the label. It’s Harry’s strawberry scented shampoo. He smiles as he steps out the door. He looks to the left, and there’s nothing. He looks to the right, and there stands Harry. His mouth drops even wider, and tears start to fill his eyes. Harry hugs him.

“What are you doing here? How are you here?” Louis asks.

“I told management to suck it. I told them that I didn’t care if I was fined, I was going to London on my day off,” Harry smiles, squeezing Louis tight, “I didn’t necessarily tell them I was coming here though.”

Louis tangles his fingers into Harry’s hair and a single tear rolls down his cheek. He pulls Harry into the flat and they fall down onto the couch. He turns on the tv and they cuddle for a few minutes. Although neither of them say it, they both know that this means they’re getting back together. Harry looks at Louis’ face and just stares for a minute, and then he says, “I love you so much, Louis.”

“I love you, too,” Louis smiles. And then they kiss. It’s been so long that both of them end uo crying during the kiss. That only adds to the passion. Harry’s the first to pull away. He stands up, and pulls Louis with him.

He yawns and then says, “Put on your shoes.”

Louis runs into the bedroom. He puts his shoes on and runs back out. He asks, “Where are we going?”

“To tell management that you’re coming on tour with me. To tell them that we’re coming out to the world and we don’t care what kind of fee they give us.”

Louis nods, “Okay, Harry. Let’s go.”

So they leave the apartment, hand in hand, to talk to management. And they never plan to look back.

**Author's Note:**

> hey again! i hope everyone enjoyed this fic! i am in the process of writing a few other fics. i’d love feedback to improve my writing.
> 
> also, i’m also always looking for ideas so if you have any, let me know!
> 
> thanks, again.


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